CROWNED

It's okay to be funky...

*So many thoughts I feel compelled to share this week- but 4 papers, 2 midterms, and 1 audition mean I have very little time... so I'll try to blog a little here and there to get it all out there.

The topic at hand right now- feeling funky. You know what I mean-- when you just get in that "funk" and you feel so "blah"... and you can't figure out ways to escape it. There have been a couple of specific ways within that category myself and my friends have been feeling here lately- and thankfully Father has been revealing some things to me about them that I felt I had to share... lots of "be to do not do to be" becomes truth in these thoughts:

Funk 1- Overwhelmed by "stuff"
This has been the biggest one for me lately- just being so overwhelmed by all the things I have to do right now. I know I tend to overcommit myself, but I don't feel like that's what I've done lately, I just have responsibilities and circumstances I can't really escape that seem to be taking over.

Having all that in my life puts me in my most uncomfortable place: having to be taken care of. Since encouragement is my spiritual gift- I hate having to be taken care of! My place of comfort is having the time to pour myself into people, encourage them, love on them, etc etc etc. I am not comfortable when this has to be me... when I'm helpless and I have to rely on my friends. I feel like a burden, and like a bad friend. I know that over the past couple of months my friends have been SUCH tangible expressions of God's love for me- stepping in and helping me to carry my burdens when they were too much to bear. For that I am so grateful-- but it all hasn't ended yet and they just keep helping, keep loving, keep pouring into me... even though I haven't done anything for them in return (I haven't even had time to sit down and write them all thank you notes!)

Revelation from this:
God has been revealing that my friends don't love me b/c I do sweet things for them, because I'm happy all the time, because I write them thank you notes. They won't love me any less because for this season in my life I have to be vulnerable and needy. The BEAUTY in that is, it's the same with God! He doesn't love me because I can do things for Him, He doesn't love me only when I'm happy, He doesn't love me only when I thank Him for all He has blessed me with--- He loves me helpless, brokenhearted, and even when I take Him for granted!

Funk 2- Spiritual "Blah"
I've had a few tastes of this lately and plenty in the past- and I know I have several sweet friends going through this so I thought I'd post about it. This is the season where you just feel "blah" spiritually. No amazing revelations, no tangible experiences, no goosebumps from the Holy Spirit, and not much overflow. It's not a fun place to be.

Revelation about this:
We were not made for the mountaintop-- for a lifetime of earth-shattering revelations; for everyday filled with emotionally charged God-time; to walk around with goosebumps so filled with the Holy Spirit it's beyond expression-- no. Those times are incredible and they are life-changing- but they are not life. Life is not about living a mountaintop experience- it's about what you do with that experience when you come down and face the valleys. It's about the everyday drudge. It's about our relationships with one another. It's about His plan for us in all that-- even when we don't "feel" Him tangibly or "hear" Him audibly. He is more than emotion. It's okay if we can't feel Him or hear Him or see Him- it's those times when we learn what faith is: trusting He is there when everything else says He isn't. Knowing there is wind even when you cannot feel it touch your face; cannot hear it sing through the wind-chimes; cannot see it blow through the trees.

Trust me, these are not fun places to be- But they are where God calls us to be sometimes.
I keep seeing a mental picture of what it looks like to try to put a toddler in a high-chair at dinner-time when he doesn't want to go. I see him screaming and crying, kicking his legs and flailing about- doing everything in his power NOT to be put in that high chair. He doesn't want to sit in the high chair... it isn't fun. He would much rather be playing on the floor!

In truth though, his Father knows He has to put him in the high chair. The child must be fed, and the child must be kept safe-- for these two reasons the high chair is the place the child must be. Though the child doesn't see it and can't possibly understand it, the Father knows the high chair is best.

I'm working on being content in my high chair for now... trusting that Father's hands will lift me out when He knows it's best.

posted by ericka b @ 5:19 PM 3 comments

To the happy couple...

 

posted by ericka b @ 12:57 AM 2 comments

Simplicity

Walking across campus today, I saw these two adorable Asian toddlers playing in the gravel. It was the sweetest sight- them picking up double handfuls of rocks just to drop them onto the cement beside them, with the most delighted smiles on their faces! I found myself smiling just because they were-- the sheer happiness expressed on their tiny little faces was just too contagious. It made me wish for delight in such simplicity-- and then I realized that so often God offers us that, but instead we seek a million other difficult things in which to find satisfaction. For a moment I had it there, looking at those two sweet children, and realizing the smile spreading across my face was just a gift from Him. Father- I LOVE to see all the ways you make me smile! Please don't let me overlook it when you pursue me in simplicity!

posted by ericka b @ 11:14 PM 4 comments

Mmmm Mmmm good!

That's the feeling I get when I leave the wonderful community within Grace Campus Ministries. Fellowship is so rich there, especially at our leadership meetings, and it is SO encouraging to share what Father is doing and see excitement and sincere interest! There's no way I can be with them and not leave with a smile on my face!

I am so excited about this Tuesday night-- it is the first night of our small group this semester. I'm leading a group at the Peak House with two incredible girls: Cassie Gorman and Sally Ware. I am so blessed to be leading with these girls! They have such a heart for Father and He just shines through them in an amazing way! I am always so refreshed by their spirit and contagious enthusiasm... I can't wait to see what God has in store for us this semester!

posted by ericka b @ 11:16 PM 2 comments

Overflow...

I've been contemplating this concept of overflow all week. Of course this wasn't a new concept... I'd heard it and used it many times before. It wasn't that I didn't know what it was, or that I'd never experienced it before... there was just something new about it; it was in such abundance that it was almost overwhelming!

I spent most of the week frustrated, because my schedule was so consumed with stuff (ahh... that terrible word... "responsibility") that I couldn't avoid and couldn't put off. I longed for Oregon (*this picture is from a 6 mile hike there) and the freedom to "go and do" that I had (b/c I didn't have day-to-day responsibilities consuming me there). My purpose was the same as the water pouring forth in this picture-- the Love from Father was surging through me-- but "stuff" was blocking the path through which it needed to flow. I walked around feeling as if I would just burst at any moment! I was already overflowing but He wasn't stopping... He just kept filling me up until I wanted to scream "BUT LORD!!! YOU'VE GOT TO GIVE ME SOMEWHERE TO PUT ALL THIS!!!"

After a long week of meetings, studying, and very little sleep- He finally did.

A couple of weeks ago I'd walked by the table in the food court in Foy. You may have seen it... it's always packed out with a very interesting group of people... some in all black, some with green hair, many with piercings and tattoos. They're the group most people are probably afraid of... the group people see as outcasts... the group people overlook... the group people try to ignore.

My first thought was- "Wow, they remind me of my friends in Oregon!" I didn't know it wouldn't stop at that. Pretty soon God had turned that little thought into a burning desire to know them, to befriend them, to love them, and to fight for their hearts. Each day I walked past I was compelled to go to them, and each day I lacked the time. And so, I prayed for an opportunity and I asked my wonderful co-leaders (Sally and Cassie) and Matt Dean to do the same.

Friday was the day. I'd had very little sleep and all I wanted to do was go home and take a nap! Instead, God said "This is it... this is the day. Go." So I did.



It was... and it is. With one moment of willingness God opened the door to so many new friends... and I already love them. I really and truly do! They need His healing- I can see it in their eyes. His heart is for them and I am SO thankful that He would use me to be tangible love to them, and that He would send me to Oregon to learn how to love them! Who knew a mission trip across the country would be preparing my heart for people right here on Auburn's campus?! Who knew a week of frustration about where my overflow needed to go would culminate in this?!

Oh wait... that's right... God knew. Nothing surprises Him, huh?

All week I franticly looked for empty little cups to fill with my overflow, and all week He was forcing me to wait... leading me all the while onto sun-scorched land.

posted by ericka b @ 2:28 AM 0 comments