It's okay to be funky...
*So many thoughts I feel compelled to share this week- but 4 papers, 2 midterms, and 1 audition mean I have very little time... so I'll try to blog a little here and there to get it all out there.The topic at hand right now- feeling funky. You know what I mean-- when you just get in that "funk" and you feel so "blah"... and you can't figure out ways to escape it. There have been a couple of specific ways within that category myself and my friends have been feeling here lately- and thankfully Father has been revealing some things to me about them that I felt I had to share... lots of "be to do not do to be" becomes truth in these thoughts:
Funk 1- Overwhelmed by "stuff"
This has been the biggest one for me lately- just being so overwhelmed by all the things I have to do right now. I know I tend to overcommit myself, but I don't feel like that's what I've done lately, I just have responsibilities and circumstances I can't really escape that seem to be taking over.
Having all that in my life puts me in my most uncomfortable place: having to be taken care of. Since encouragement is my spiritual gift- I hate having to be taken care of! My place of comfort is having the time to pour myself into people, encourage them, love on them, etc etc etc. I am not comfortable when this has to be me... when I'm helpless and I have to rely on my friends. I feel like a burden, and like a bad friend. I know that over the past couple of months my friends have been SUCH tangible expressions of God's love for me- stepping in and helping me to carry my burdens when they were too much to bear. For that I am so grateful-- but it all hasn't ended yet and they just keep helping, keep loving, keep pouring into me... even though I haven't done anything for them in return (I haven't even had time to sit down and write them all thank you notes!)
Revelation from this:
God has been revealing that my friends don't love me b/c I do sweet things for them, because I'm happy all the time, because I write them thank you notes. They won't love me any less because for this season in my life I have to be vulnerable and needy. The BEAUTY in that is, it's the same with God! He doesn't love me because I can do things for Him, He doesn't love me only when I'm happy, He doesn't love me only when I thank Him for all He has blessed me with--- He loves me helpless, brokenhearted, and even when I take Him for granted!
Funk 2- Spiritual "Blah"
I've had a few tastes of this lately and plenty in the past- and I know I have several sweet friends going through this so I thought I'd post about it. This is the season where you just feel "blah" spiritually. No amazing revelations, no tangible experiences, no goosebumps from the Holy Spirit, and not much overflow. It's not a fun place to be.
Revelation about this:
We were not made for the mountaintop-- for a lifetime of earth-shattering revelations; for everyday filled with emotionally charged God-time; to walk around with goosebumps so filled with the Holy Spirit it's beyond expression-- no. Those times are incredible and they are life-changing- but they are not life. Life is not about living a mountaintop experience- it's about what you do with that experience when you come down and face the valleys. It's about the everyday drudge. It's about our relationships with one another. It's about His plan for us in all that-- even when we don't "feel" Him tangibly or "hear" Him audibly. He is more than emotion. It's okay if we can't feel Him or hear Him or see Him- it's those times when we learn what faith is: trusting He is there when everything else says He isn't. Knowing there is wind even when you cannot feel it touch your face; cannot hear it sing through the wind-chimes; cannot see it blow through the trees.
Trust me, these are not fun places to be- But they are where God calls us to be sometimes.
I keep seeing a mental picture of what it looks like to try to put a toddler in a high-chair at dinner-time when he doesn't want to go. I see him screaming and crying, kicking his legs and flailing about- doing everything in his power NOT to be put in that high chair. He doesn't want to sit in the high chair... it isn't fun. He would much rather be playing on the floor!
In truth though, his Father knows He has to put him in the high chair. The child must be fed, and the child must be kept safe-- for these two reasons the high chair is the place the child must be. Though the child doesn't see it and can't possibly understand it, the Father knows the high chair is best.
I'm working on being content in my high chair for now... trusting that Father's hands will lift me out when He knows it's best.
posted by ericka b @ 5:19 PM
3 Comments:
thanks for sharing truth!! most definitely encouraging. i love you!
YOU EVER SEEN THE MOVIE "SAVED" ? You remind me of Mandy Moore's character.
The best part about blogs is that it allows the LORD to encourage you through someone from an outside perspective. Reading your last post, I don't think it's coincidence that you had the picture you did. If you notice, last week you saw two Asian toddlers that encouraged you in the Lord.
When we're on the mountaintops, we're content. When we're in the valley we fight. But the biggest thing I've learned recently--something the Lord spoke so clearly to me was one simple question: I was kicking and screaming at the Lord because I was fed up that He was being so silent in my life. And He asked: "Are you seeking Me just to hear My voice and know what's next? Or are you seeking Me because I AM a holy and righteous God and I command, through My very nature, to be worshiped?" *ouch [insert conviction here]*
Don't forget those toddlers and remember, "Jesus took the children up one by one in His arms, and fervently invoked a blessing, placing His hands upon them." (Mark 10:16, amp.). I'm sure even the cranky ones.
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