Letting go... and letting Him bless me!
After 18 years of competing in pageants, 4 years of pursuing my dream to become Miss America, and 2 years of competing in the Miss Alabama Pageant, I had to let go. Now I'm not saying I'm letting go forever... dreams die hard (though if giving up this dream is God's will for me it's what I will do) but this year at least, I will not be "Miss" anything, nor will I be competing at the Miss Alabama pageant.I must admit it's been hard to let that sink in-- after competing in several preliminaries and getting 1st alternate time after time I had to come to terms with it- Miss Alabama is obviously not where God wants me this year! That's a difficult realization because I do love it so much; I love the girls I compete with, I love the ministry opportunities I have because of it, I love the amazing opportunities to meet incredible people and do incredible things I have because of it, I love the scholarship money and gifts I get because of it, and let's face it- I love getting all dressed up and wearing a crown of course! It's difficult too because it is such a huge part of my life. I'm not realizing until now just how much time I spend making appearances, doing community service, developing my platform, preparing for competition (and the list goes on and on and on). When something that takes up that much of your time is removed from your life, it's hard not to walk around feeling like a part of you is missing! Of course there were tears and questions... but luckily I realized that I had an option: I could give in to mourning and let Satan steal my joy, or I could fight for it!
And so- I fought. I listened to my dear friends who reminded me "God has something bigger in store for you!" and I believed them. I fought so hard to rest in that truth. I clung to the words of Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."
Guess what-- that is TRUTH!
Day by day, hour by hour, He has been allowing that truth to sink into my heart. He has shown me through emails and phone calls how He has already used me as a light for Him in the pageant world, and how He can still use me (even if I'm not competing this year!) He has shown me that I am more than a crown, or a "Miss Something", and that I do not need those things to verify my identity, because my identity is in Him. He has shown me that these passions, pursuits, interests, involvements, and accomplishments are just stuff. They are not life- He is life! And finally, He has shown me what a blessing my new found freedom is. Such as, the freedom to not having something I have to be "preparing for" (ie- The Miss Alabama Pageant) and the freedom to not have such a hectic schedule!
These new found freedoms have led me to a new chapter in my life as well, the one called MUSIC. Now some could say this is just a revival of an old chapter, because growing up music was such a huge part of my life- but it's been pushed aside for most of my college life. I've been missing singing for quite some time, but struggling to have confidence in my voice after all my vocal problems. My new found free time gave me the opportunity to invite music back into my life- and I can't begin to express how incredible it has felt! God has been so affirming through people who have spoken truth over my vocal abilities and who have encouraged me to sing; their words have been overwhelming and such confirmation from Him! Bit by bit I am able to silence the lies of the enemy and allow myself to embrace the gift of song He has so graciously blessed me with!
It's exciting- to say the least!
And so, only a week after I gave up the title of Miss Auburn Opelika Area, I was blessed to become a member of two bands. The first is a band who will be leading worship for the Wesley Foundation, the second is a band who will be leading worship for a youth camp June 18-24 in Covington, GA. It's hard to express how truly blessed I feel, and how thrilled I am for the opportunity to use my voice to glorify Him!
"I will sing to the Lord, for He has been good to me."
Psalm 13:6
"You turned my wailing into dancing;
You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever."
Psalm 30:11-12
"I will sing of the Lord's great love forever;
with my mouth I will make Your faithfulness known through all generations."
Psalm 89:1
I can't wait to find out all He has in store for this chapter of my life... I just love to see how He surprises me! You see, all the time I was mourning, He had something specific waiting for me-- I just had to let go of my will, fight for my joy, and step out in faith. Sometimes we hold so tightly to something in our lives, when all He wants us to do is let go and let Him bless us! Our Father longs to bless us, His children, but sometimes we have to let go of our will to receive. After all, He can't place something new into our hands, if they are holding fast to something else. We have to learn let go, because what He has is always better!
posted by ericka b @ 12:15 AM
7 Comments:
Ericka,
You are a blessing! God does use you in so many ways that you are not even aware of. You even spoke to my Bible Study group last night with your beautiful example of overflow. God has great things in store for you. I'm so glad that you are pursuing your gift for music again!
Love ya,
Candice
Erika, you probably won't remember me, as we never really had a conversation, but we were in Prof. Solomon's class (intro to fiction) many many moons ago. If it gives you any idication -- it was during a period when you were having to go through "vocal rest". I just wanted to tell you that even though we've never talked or had a real conversation there was always something about you that was memorable. Here I am, 2 years after graduating and probably 3 or 4 years after taking that class and I still remember you. What I remember was that you seemed to exude confidence and joy. I never doubted that it came from Christ's love and your relationship with Him. I just wanted you to know that you influence and affect people that you don't even realize. I wish you luck and joy and passion and blessings as you continue your walk with Christ. Jeremiah 29:11-13.
Sincerely,
Brooke Bowden
B.A. English, 04
This blog is all sunshine and lollipops huh?
looks like you've traded one attention-seeking "hobby" for another. have you ever thought about giving the Lord the spotlight instead of Ericka?
quote from Ericka Bennett, Monday, March 06, 2006
"He has shown me that I am more than a crown, or a "Miss Something", and that I do not need those things to verify my identity, because my identity is in Him. He has shown me that these passions, pursuits, interests, involvements, and accomplishments are just stuff. -
They are not life- He is life!"
-
man, ol anonymous up there sounds a lot like a girl i know from this summer. haha...anyway, i just want to tell you that God is going to use you in any way you allow Him to. So, just keep seeking Him. love ya, Clay
bummed for you anonymous, cause if you knew how good the gospel was, you would be writing about sunshine and lollipops with her. sadly enough, either your rejection of this man Jesus or your boring religious beliefs have kept you trapped in this worlds reality leading to your asshole tendancies and ridiculous comments.
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