I want to be His hands...
So much has happened lately for me. The Wesley Band has started practicing and we are slowly learning to play with each other- I'm loving getting to know them. I got a chance to spend an AMAZING weekend in Macon meeting the band I'll be playing with for a week of youth camp this summer- it was so good. Obviously the Lord was in it- after about 5 minutes together I felt like I was with old friends. We had a blast making music together and hanging out. I also got to spend time with Zach's parents and sister- such a sweet family!That weekend was a great time of rest for me- obviously God knew I needed it before chaos hit. 2 AWFUL tests, my computer crashing (which explains why I haven't posted much lately) and then my little brother having to have surgery suddenly (check out the link to "my baby bro" for more info)- life has been crazy the last week.
The surgery is actually what inspired this post- or rather led to the inspiration for this post. I spent most of this weekend at Children's Hospital in Birmingham. I thought I was going to spend time with Jaron before and after surgery, and time with my family. Little did I know God had so much more in mind.
It all started when Jaron went down to surgery. As we waved goodbye (fighting back tears) and walked into the waiting room, we were met with familiar, though distraught, faces. A 7 year old little girl from our hometown was in surgery also- she had been suffering from headaches when they found she had a tumor the size of a baseball in her brain. They scheduled surgery immediately. Looking at that family I was overwhelmed with the desire to comfort them... I just wanted to go hug every one of them until the pain went away. For years now I've felt that God is preparing me to be the wife of a minister of some type-- I thought that desire to comfort them was just more confirmation of that. Though it may be, I had no idea then that it was also the beginning of all God would do in my heart this weekend.
That night I ventured out of Jaron's room to visit my friend Melanie's little sister Savannah (www.caringbridge.org/visit/savannahdewhurst). We'd realized a week earlier that she and Jaron were on the same floor, so I thought I would drop by to meet her. She was almost asleep so I came back Saturday to spend some time with her and her parents. For the most part Savannah was playful, but as time passed she began to get frustrated. You see, Savannah was a lively 4 year old until she caught encephalitis and spinal meningitis- which left her unable to control her speech or movements. I can't imagine how frustrating that would be-- to know what you wanted to say or do, but not be able to communicate it or do it yourself! As she began to cry my heart broke. All I could think to do to comfort her was to sing, and so, I did. It worked... so all 3 times she got frusrated during our visit, I sang over her. I can't explain the peace in my heart as I watched her little body relax, her tears stop, and her eyes flutter closed in rest. I fought back tears of gratitude to God for giving me back my voice-- I have never been so thankful!
As I walked back to Jaron's room to say goodnight, my heart was bursting. I wanted to hug every child I saw in the hall, and every worried, broken Mom and Dad. I wanted to pray over them, to speak truth to them, to comfort them, to encourage them. I wanted to be His hands to reach out to them, His arms to hug them, His shoulder for them to cry on. I wanted to love them.
I began to think about all the time I have spent the past 8 years working to promote Teen Alcohol Abuse Prevention- especially the past 4 years while it has been my platform (for the Miss Alabama Pageant) and I began to wonder- what if I spent all that time in hospitals instead? At first I dismissed it, thinking I would be a 'sell-out' if I changed. After all, I still feel so strongly about preventing alcohol abuse and I know it needs attention. However, I also realize that no big changes are going to be made without years of lobbying for government support. I have always said that all my work with my platform would be worth it, if I just impacted one teen. I still feel that way, but I had to ask myself- where would I be the most effective? where could I impact people the most? And most importantly- where does God want to use me?
That last question is where things began really taking shape. I know that God could use me in huge ways ministering to hospitalized children in their families! Oh the opportunities to speak truth to hurting hearts!!! That's when it all began to come into focus... He has been preparing me for this for SO long!
- At 16 I visited my friends Sarah and Christine as they recovered from brain surgery and broken vertebrae from a horrific wreck. A few weeks later I watched my friend Lyndsey lose the battle with lukemia. At 17 I sat by my Grandmother's bed for 6 weeks as she died from heart disease. Later that week I held my dear friend Challas' hand as his mother died from brain cancer. That 10 month period was one of the darkest of my life... but through it I learned how to deal with death.
- For half my life I have struggled with a heart condition, severe allergies, acid reflux disease, recurring bronchitis, asthma, and serious vocal problems including vocal nodules and a vocal cyst. The past few years have been full of doctor's appointments, visits to specialists, blood tests, breathing tests, EKG's, and a handful of medicine every day. By no means was it lukemia, and it definitely could have been worse... but through it I learned what it feels like to be sick.
- For the past year my little brother has struggled with a chronic disease, Ulcerative Colitis. We have lost count of the times he has been in the hospital (we think around 8). I know how exhausting it is to try and keep friends and family updated. I have spent several days and nights at the hospital to give my parents a break. I know what it feels like to worry. I know how uncomfortable it is to sleep in a hospital chair. I know what hospital cafeteria food tastes like. I know what it's like to be in the hospital for so long that you know the nurses by name. I know what it's like to hear a child scream in pain next door for hours. I know what it's like to see someone you love attached to tubes and wires and machines. I know what it's like to be scared. I know what it's like to wish it was you in the bed hurting instead... because that child has just had more than they can bear. It has been miserable at times... but through this I have learned how it feels to be helpless when an innocent child is sick.
These experiences have not been fun... but they have been neccesary. I've often wondered why God allowed me to hurt so much, to go through so much. I've also wondered why I am almost always annoyingly happy (full of sunshine and lollipops as the anonymous blogger pointed out). There was a reason- those things were no mistake. It was also no mistake that the gift God blessed me with was that of encouragement. All this time God was preparing me to be a light to these families and sick children. He is so purposeful, right down to the last detail!
I can't tell you how excited I am to begin developing a new program to reach out to these hurting families. Please pray for me as I make decisions about how to structure this program to make it most effective, and how to fund it. I am overflowing with ideas (from God, no doubt!) and though I know it's going to be a lot of work, I am THRILLED!
God is SO good! I can't wait to see what He is about to do! Thank you Father for all the ways you have been preparing me to fulfill this vision!
"All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, He brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us."
2 Corinthians 1: 3-4 (The Message)
posted by ericka b @ 2:05 PM
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