CROWNED

NEW BLOG!

2007-09-13T19:34:00.000-05:00

So many changes are happening in my life these days! Graduation, a trip to Africa, and now a new state, a new city, and a new job! With my job came a new blog, and I would GREATLY appreciate you visiting it to see what God is up to in my life!

Just cut and past this into your browser:
http://erickabennett.myadventures.org

I crave your prayers and support as I start this new chapter of my life! God has big things in store, and I would love you to be a part of it!

To read about how I got connected to this ministry and what my passion is, check out my Biography. To read about where I am, what I'm learning, and how God is moving in my life, check out View All Blogs.

I can't wait to hear from you! Thank you all for your support and love thus far.

Grace and peace!
In HIS hands,
Ericka <><

Back from Africa... and thankful.

2007-06-16T15:06:00.000-05:00

There is much to write... much to share- but for now, I just wanted to let everyone know I'm home safe. There are no words to explain all I saw, felt, experienced-- but I will say this- I know the power of prayer more than ever!

Every prayer was answered. EVERY PRAYER. We were all concerned with my health on this trip, so let me start by saying I was completely healthy the whole trip- never got sick, never got hurt. *(there will be more to share about my health later-- God is SO good!) We were extremely well taken care of by AIM (if you ever get the opportunity to take part in missions, Adventures in Missions is definitely the way to go-- I can't say enough about this organization- the people are just incredible!)

I slept well every night-- only one night of an uneasy dream that went away when I woke up and prayed, and then one nightmare the very last night that I woke up from (I usually don't wake up) and prayed away-- other than that though, NO nightmares or even dreams through the whole trip-I slept soundly every night- such an answered prayer since many of you know I normally have terrible nightmares on mission trips (and was even on Malaria medicine that is supposed to give you extremely vivid dreams).

There's another answered prayer- no medicine side effects! None. I normally have every side effect possible for every medicine I take. Not this time! Another answered prayer.

As for our group- it was incredible-- no drama, no discord... shared hearts, unity, compassion, community, friendship, and love. Never have I been a part of such an incredible group of people. It was obvious we were all being prayed for- I asked that you pray unity for our group and to bind Satan from our group and that's exactly what we had... even those in leadership for AIM were amazed by it!

So thank you- that is really the purpose of this post- to say THANK YOU for your prayers. I know that I have so many amazing prayer warriors, and I can't begin to explain how evident your prayers were on this trip!

There is so much more to share, and I am continuing to process it all... it's overwhelming to be back. I can't seem to quiet my mind-- I wake up at night thinking and praying, and I wake up in the morning the same way. I've been wrecked and broken. I keep saying it's good to be home, but the truth is, my heart aches to be back... I ache to hold those children again...

Please pray for my heart as I continue to process, and try to figure out what life looks like for me now. Please pray I'll be able to share effectively the stories God has given me from these incredible people... from these beautiful children...

Thank you- to all of you- for all you've done to help me get to Africa. Thank you for letting me go, thank you for praying for me while I was there...

And thank you God for breaking my heart and for leaving a part of it in the hands and hearts of those beautiful children...

On my way to AFRICA!

2007-05-24T10:07:00.000-05:00

For those of you who haven't heard from me in a while (I apologize- life has been insanely busy) - here's an update! I finished my internship at Farmville Baptist (what a blessing my church family has been, and what a blessing to teach those youth!) and on May 10th I graduated from Auburn University with a degree in Communication. At this point, I wish I had the time to reflect back on the incredible experiences I have had here at Auburn, and to share with you some of the ways I have been forever impacted by the people I've met, places I've been, and things I've seen. Sadly though, there is no time for reflection - only action!

My plane leaves Atlanta for Africa around 8 am Saturday morning. As I prepare to go I wanted to share this information from my support letter (since I didn't get to mail as many as I'd planned).

- - - - - - -

Dear friends and family,

You are getting this letter, because you have faithfully loved, supported, and encouraged me. Now, as I prepare to go on a mission trip to Africa, I will need that love, support, and encouragement more than ever! Many of you are probably shocked to hear that I’m going to Africa, but I assure you, it was not a reckless or hasty decision. Though this may be the first you’ve heard of it, for the past nine months God has been working in my heart and life to prepare me to make this commitment.

Last summer, I had two friends in Africa- Matt in Zambia, and Russell in Kenya. At the beginning of the summer, I had no desire to go to Africa, but I committed to pray for my friends while they were there. Little did I know what God had in store for me! Prayer can move mountains, and it can move people to Africa too!

While contemplating my desire to go, I took a class about missions. During class one night, a speaker challenged those of us who said we wanted to go overseas with this question: “If you really have a heart for the nations, then what are you doing here? Now? How are you reaching the nations from where you are this week?” He shared that if our call was sincere, we would be burdened enough to be doing something now, instead of just waiting on the chance to go overseas. Believing that, I’d like to share with you how God has been preparing my heart to answer His call to Africa, and what I’ve been doing here while waiting on the chance to go!

July 5 – an entry in my journal
The passion inside me for Africa continues to grow. My prayer now is that God will make a way for me to go!

July 7 – an email to my friend Matt, in Zambia
You have been on my heart DAILY since you left. God has really given me a heart for Africa (which continues to intensify) and placed a burden on me to pray for you and your group constantly- more than anything ever before.

July 8 – an email to my friend Russell, in Kenya
Over the past few months God has given me such a heart for Africa that continues to intensify! It's hard to explain, but it just keeps growing and growing- I have no doubt that I want to go. I can't wait to see what the details of me going will be- I'm so ready for God to reveal it!

July 12 – another email to Matt, in Zambia
He continues to intensify my heart for Africa and for you all there…

July 23 – another email to Russell, in Kenya
I want to go to Africa so badly lately... I just know I will get an opportunity to go there, and I hope it's in the coming year. I'll definitely be investigating the possibilities soon.

August – December
I took a “Perspectives” class at a church in Auburn to learn more about international missions.

January 4
I became a sponsor for Dama (5) and Erick (7), two Compassion International children in Kenya, Africa. (www.compassion.com)

February 3
I held a benefit concert for the Invisible Children of war-torn Uganda (www.invisiblechildren.com), raising $1,927 to send children to school in Africa.

February 5
God provided the $300 I needed to pay my deposit for the trip to Africa. I made it just in time to get one of the last 2 spots available!

I will leave for Swaziland (Africa) on May 26, and will return June 12. I am going with 21 other students from Auburn, through Grace Campus Ministries (www.gracecampus.net) and Adventures in Missions. We will be working with AIDS orphans – children whose parents died of AIDS, or are too sick from AIDS to take care of them. We will also work with some individuals who have AIDS. The reality that I am finally going to Africa continues to sink in everyday, and my excitement continues to grow (as if you can’t tell from the picture above! Ha!)

I have never even been out of the country before, and now I am trying to prepare my heart to go to the most AIDS affected country in the world (over 40%). I am overwhelmed to think of all I will see and experience, and all the ways it will change me, but I am compelled to go. Through fear and uncertainty, I hear the gentle whisper of a loving voice, my Father’s voice, saying “Go child… go to the poor and wretched. Go to the lonely and forgotten. Go to the motherless children. Go to the lost and dying. Go child… be My hands and feet. Take My LOVE, My HOPE, and My LIGHT to a dark world.” And so, I will go – with a heart full of peace and hands ready to serve!

I have been blessed to receive above and beyond the amount of money I needed to go. For this I am incredibly grateful. Still though, I desperately need you to PRAY!

Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should.
Colossians 4:2-4

Finally, brothers, pray for us that the message of the Lord may spread rapidly and be honored, just as it was with you. And pray that we may be delivered from wicked and evil men, for not everyone has faith.
2 Thessalonians 3:1-2

Please pray:
For protection (physically and spiritually)
For UNITY for our group
For God to work IN us
For God to work THROUGH us – pray that they will know Him by the way we love them!
And most importantly, that He will get the Glory for all we do, and that His name will be made great among all nations!

I will try to post more details before I leave, so that you will better know how and when to pray. Please add me and my group to your prayer list, and ask your friends and family to pray too!

Thank you in advance for your support. You are all blessings in my life and I am so thankful for each of you! Love, grace, and peace to you!

In HIS hands,
Ericka <><

Embracing Uncertainty...

2007-04-06T02:41:00.000-05:00

It's 2am
the hour came
and still I sit, unmoved, unchanged without
- within nothing's the same -
my pen tries to convey

What I feel in this place
What I am in this time
and the freedom that comes when you give up the fight
and rest awhile
in the beauty that is
unknown, untamed, unafraid.

And I can't help but smile
when I look in your eyes
unassuming, accepting, and so full of fire -
and we touch, and we feel, and we talk for a while,
and we laugh as the people rush by...
Then embracing uncertainty
leap into life,
and we dare them to tell us to numb our desire -
cause no matter the sacrifice it requires
this passion's too much to deny.

And this beautiful thing
is sweet to taste
the touch of grace
that goes unseen
and unexplained
and undefined
but felt here in this place -
When you and I
can just believe
in everything we want to see,
And we can let our hearts run free,
when we embrace uncertainty.

BIG plans for small people...

2007-02-11T23:14:00.000-06:00

For my 23rd birthday, I decided I wanted to have my first gig in the coffee shop scene. A random way to celebrate, maybe, but it's what I wanted. Thankfully, we were able to pull it off (with my friends Zach Benson and Josh Adams playing with me, and Sandy and Trish Toomer letting us perform at Toomer's Coffee). It went GREAT! It was packed, and people had a blast! Of course we didn't make any money really ($5 each in tips), but who cares? I loved it.

Then, a few days later, I started thinking...

For a long time I've been feeling like God has BIG plans for me. Now I don't know what that means exactly... maybe they're big plans in man's eyes- maybe they're just big in God's eyes... either way is fine with me! But one thing I know for sure... God didn't give me my voice back to do nothing with it.

I have these big dreams... these crazy big dreams, and this passion to do something BIG with my music. Of course, making $5 at a coffeeshop wouldn't do much. But then I thought, "what if people knew it was for a good cause? what if all these people came back to listen? and what if they all gave? even just 5 bucks? what could we do?" From those questions came the idea for a Benefit Series-- 3 shows, benefiting 3 causes I'm passionate about, for 3 months. I pitched the idea to Zach and Josh- they were on board. Then, to the Toomers where I heard: "this is something we could get behind Ericka! You know... it never was about the coffee." That last sentence got me. I wanted to shout! We all had the same vision! My little idea was becoming a reality.

A BIG reality.

We decided our first show would be to benefit Invisible Children (www.invisiblechildren.com). We only had a week, but in that time God moved in amazing ways! Through connections with friends from Auburn (Courtney Hurst), the Invisible Children organization got on board, the Auburn IC contact (Sarah Chaplin) got on board, and we were placed in contact with the IC Deep South Roadies (Will, Lauren, Matt, Kathryn). The Toomers got behind the idea 100% and started promoting online with blogs, links, streaming video, and podcasts. IC hooked us up with promo material to use all around Auburn. In no time, the night of the show was here.

It's now been a week since the Invisible Children Benefit Show. Looking back, I am still astounded. How is it that everything could come together so quickly? How could it have gotten so big, so fast? How could we have packed that many people into a little coffeeshop? and how could a coffeeshop full of college kids give $1,927.00 in just one night?!

It all started with one question... " what if ".

What if you asked yourself some questions?
What if you took a risk?
What if you refused to accept mediocrity?
What if you let yourself dream BIG?
What if you refused to fit into societies expectations?
What if you followed your heart?
What if you let your passions take over?
What if you gave away your life?
What if?

I'm fully convinced that God has BIG plans for small people who are passionately pursuing Him.
What if you traded your plans for His?

There is much I want to share right now- so much- about my incredible job, my music, my mission dreams, and my plans to go to Africa... but all that will have to wait. For now, I just want you to concentrate on the "what ifs" in your life... and see what God tells you!

I'm learning how to do that, and how to catch His vision... little by little, and let me tell you- it's a beautiful thing.

For more information about the Benefit Series, check out:
www.toomerscoffee.com
or download the free podcast off Itunes (just search Toomers Coffee).

Meet my little ones!

2007-01-07T00:46:00.000-06:00

I recently had the wonderful opportunity to "adopt" two children through Compassion International. Meet my little ones!

Damaris "Dama" Baya
Dama is 5 years old and lives in Kenya. Art and running are her favorite activities, and she also sings in the church choir! She is one of 8 children, and her birthday is May 8th. Isn't she beautiful?!!

Erick Mbeva Musa
Erick is 7 years old and also lives in Kenya.(I just HAD to have him when I saw how he spelled his name! haha!) Bicycling and running are his favorite activities. His birthday is November 16th. Isn't he adorable?!

Both of these precious children live in an HIV/AIDS affected area of Africa. I don't yet know if either of them have HIV or AIDS, but it is something their region deals with daily. Both their families struggle to make money- usually only making around $20 a month! Through Compassion International, I will be able to sponsor these two children until they are 18-22 years old. I'll be able to write them letters and get letters back, and hopefully someday I can go to Kenya and meet them!

Everything I've read and heard about this organization is amazing! It's faith based and gives these children opportunities to grow mentally, physically, and spiritually- making sure they all hear the gospel! If you'd like to sponsor a child of your own, just visit: www.compassion.com

Please keep Dama, Erick, and their families in your prayers!

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." - Matthew 19:14

Suicide

2006-12-12T23:19:00.000-06:00

Tonight I found out an old family friend committed suicide. Three self-inflicted gunshot wounds to the chest... I can't imagine... to be honest I'm still in shock. She was a dear Christian woman and a member of my church- there every Sunday. None of us ever suspected anything was wrong, but we’ve now found out she'd been battling depression.

I keep hearing suicide stories about people who were struggling with "depression", and the more I hear, the less I believe it was just that. I think our society explains too much away with medicine and technology, when it's really often a spiritual battle! I just can't imagine any other way you could get that desperate and hopeless, unless you were believing lies from the enemy.

With that in mind, I realized that there may be others in my life with the same struggles, who need to be reminded of the TRUTH. And so, I sat down to write. This is what the Lord gave me....

Suicide

It's gray outside today.
She shuts herself away
to hide from the cold
on the other side of her front door.
It matches the cold she feels inside
and no matter how she tries to fight the dark,
her soul can't find the light.

"Just end it all"
says the voice in her mind...
A voice so familiar it feels like her own,
convincing her she's all alone.
The voice continues the onslaught of lies-
locked away in her room alone she cries
believing still that the voice is her own,
Never thinking that she could be wrong.

So Satan continues
weaving a web
of tangled lies within her head,
watching her heart and spirit break
until she feels she can’t escape.
Desperate to be free she searches her mind-
He offers more lies, an escape of some kind:
“Some pills, a gun, a razor tonight”-
He tells her that’s how she’ll make everything right.

Hopeless and broken she sees no other way.
Desperate to find an escape from the pain
She takes his suggestion,
embraces his blame,
and watches her life slip away.

---
And all the while, LOVE watched in tears
praying and hoping she’d see He was near
Offering HOPE and TRUTH and LIGHT,
Ready to fight away the night.
Arms outstretched to comfort and heal
with POWER to make the enemy yield.
Offering life abundant and free
from the destructive lies of the enemy.

And still He stands,
The source of TRUTH
Above the fight that rages on
To give you HOPE
When yours is gone
So don’t give up
You’re not alone.

My latest lyrics...

2006-10-28T01:55:00.000-05:00

What's Unseen

When emotions take over
and they hide all that's true

You're the hand that calms me,

You're the voice that soothes
And when loneliness binds me
and I feel I can't move,
You rush in to my rescue
breaking chains of solitude

And when the world closes in and I feel I can't breathe
You're the source of my next breath,
God of what's unseen
And when all I can't control
feels like it's controlling me
God of what's unseen...
You are peace

When I can't quiet the voices that ravage my heart,
You offer me silence
and hope in the dark

And when I am tired
and can't lift my eyes,
You shoulder my burden
and make mine Your fight

And when the world closes in and I feel I can't breathe
You're the source of my next breath,
God of what's unseen
And when all I can't control
feels like it's controlling me,
God of what's unseen...
You are peace

You're my smile when I'm crying,
You're here when I'm alone
You're the hand that I'm holding...
You are home.

Come Alive...

2006-09-30T01:18:00.000-05:00

Well, considering summer has been over (ie school has been in session) for about two months now, I guess I should really write my end of the summer blog, huh? I know- it's been way too long... and "way too long" is what you'd say about this blog if I explained everything I learned this summer! So I will just tell you this-- my summer has been all about restoration, revived dreams, and leaping into the unknown. It's been challenging, difficult, terrifying, and AMAZING.

If I have learned anything, it is that we, as Christians, so often allow fear to paralyze us- limiting the incredible plans God has for us! If I can impart anything to you, it is this: It is time to face your fears and refuse to live a life of mediocrity! God intends to use you in ways beyond your imagination... if you are only willing to trust Him and step out in faith!

God has been chipping away at me for a long time on this subject, but it was through my friend Alex's music that He finally broke me. These are the two songs that hit the hardest- please read these lyrics and allow them to sink into your heart!

Come Alive
Alex Nifong

time and time and time again
I find myself up against
the borders of my belief
backin up back into
what's familiar, what I can do
but comfort brings no relief
cause something's still calling me
through the walls I can hear them scream

come alive out here
watch the dreams you've always wanted appear
come alive, don't you hide behind those walls
if you think there's more to life
from the passion deep inside
come alive, come alive

standing up and stepping out
I'm walkin through walls of doubt
I found they weren't so strong at all
breakin through I found the truth
there really isn't anything you can't do
if you have a little faith, don't be afraid

what is there to live for
inside of your invisible cage
tell me if you want more
then why would you stay
locked up safe inside
a world where nothing will change
you know you were made for greater things

so come alive out here
watch the dreams you've always wanted appear
come alive, don't you hide behind those walls
if you think there's more to life
from the passion deep inside
come alive, come alive

if tomorrow is too late
you better take your chance today to come alive... come alive

Shadows
Alex Nifong

sometimes we live our lives through someone else
take our dreams and place them safely on the shelf
sometimes we walk away from all we want
with self-absorbed and pitiful stories to tell

I've been standing in the shadows
where my better half can hide
I've been standing in the shadows
afraid of what the world may find

maybe it's my time to shine
leave my fear far behind me now
maybe it's my time to shine
leave my fears far behind me now
far behind me now

sometimes our minds just don't seem to wanna let it rest
when we know deep down we've chosen to settle for second best
sometime we wonder what would happen if we made our move
if we took our chances and placed our bets and never lived with regret

sometimes we think that it's too late to chase our dreams
but don't be afraid of the life you're leavin
it's tryin to keep you from believin
it's your time to shine
leave your fears far behind you now
maybe it's your time to shine
leave your fears far behind you now
far behind you now

I thought this would be a summer of rest... little did I know that one trip to Atlanta would turn to 8, and I would be challenged and encouraged like never before! I am extremely lucky to have so many incredible friends in my life here in Auburn who have encouraged these new aspirations- but I am especially thankful for these three God had waiting on me in Atlanta-- Alex Nifong, who's music and friendship and testimony would make me finally surrender to the plans God had waiting for me and who would encourage and teach me as I stepped out in faith -- Matt Vaughan, who would challenge and encourage and speak truth into me like no one ever has -- and Carrie Pridemore, who would support me, love me as a sister, and pray for me and with me as I worked through it all. You are blessings straight from the Father into my life!

Please pray for me as I take this leap of faith to pursue music. You can see my new myspace account www.myspace.com/erickabennett -- I hope to have original music up someday soon. If you'd like to purchase Alex's CD you can visit www.alexnifong.com, or http://cdbaby.com/cd/nifong. It continues to encourage and challenge me every time I listen!

Matt's back!

2006-08-01T18:47:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to let you all know my friend Matt (who I asked you to pray for in the last two blogs) is back from Africa safe and sound. I'm so excited about seeing him tomorrow and hearing all about his trip! Thank you for praying! If you want to read about his experiences in Africa, the next few posts in his blog will be on that topic. Feel free to go to www.beeve.blogspot.com or click on Matt Vaughan in my links on the right.

More to come from me soon... just as soon as I figure out how to explain all I've learned and how I've grown this summer (and as soon as I'm in the same place for a full 7 days!) For now, just know that God is SOOOOO good. Wow. You amaze me Father!

News from Zambia!

2006-07-07T00:51:00.000-05:00

Just got an email from Matt in Zambia (read the blog below) and wanted to pass on a few more specific ways you can pray!
1- for healing (he has the flu, as do several others in his group-- can you imagine having the flu while sleeping in a tent in Africa?!? That's rough stuff!)
2- for God to break the communication barriers they are facing (with other volunteers and with the children they are teaching).
3- for God to refresh their hearts and sustain their souls!

Thank you for being prayer warriors!

Burdened...

2006-07-06T01:10:00.000-05:00

Actually, overwhelmed would probably be a more appropriate title. I apologize for the huge gap between posts, I just haven't known where to start! It definitely hasn't been because I'm at a lack of things to share- it's more because I'm so overwhelmed at all God is doing in my life that I don't know how to make it small enough to fit on a computer screen. To say "God is good" is a drastic understatement. I will definitely try to figure out how to share everything that's going on sometime soon (if I can ever stay in the same place for a full week! crazy summertime! :) For now though- I need to share something specific on my heart, and a prayer request for you all to lift up.

I talked to my friend Alex tonight, who'd gotten a message from our friend Matt Vaughan who is currently in Zambia (Africa) on a mission trip for a month. From what he could get from the voicemail, things have gotten rough for the group Matt's with right now, which made me pray, and then made me think- why not also ask those who read my blog to pray? Matt is there with a group of 16 (as far as I know) students. It is only him (Matt) and one other guy (Matthew) and the rest are girls (one I've met- Lindsay Orr- if you'd like to pray for her by name). I ask that you lift them up when you read this, specifically praying for unity and protection from the enemy. Satan is at work there- which is EXCITING! Because if Satan feels the need to work among them, it is because he is threatened by what God is doing in them and will do through them! So I ask that you pray in expectation that God will move in amazing ways as they continue their time there- they will return July 25.

That being said, I will share that WOW is God giving me a heart for Africa! The more I see and hear and pray for those there, the more compassion for the people there I feel. If you haven't heard of the genocide in Darfur, Sudan, or heard of the Invisible Children, I strongly suggest that you research them and pray that God will break your heart for the nations! Here are some links to get you started (there is plenty of information on the web for them both though):
http://www.darfurgenocide.org/
www.invisiblechildren.com/

All this being shared, I will leave you with the lyrics to a song I wrote tonight:

I see the heart of God breaking
when I look into your eyes,
All the pain you've seen child
that your nation tries to hide...
but it can't be disguised.

I try to find answers in the night sky
But the silence is broken by a dying infant's cry
And hope dies in the mother who was taken from her child
The enemy takes reign here
and evil runs wild.

So what will it take
to break our hearts?
Disillusioned by wealth
we're numb to the pain
Who will see the children?
Who will fight to help?
What will it take to change society's aim?

If we can ignore it
then we can remain
In our comfortable homes
with our hearts unchanged
You turn on the TV and hear of the pain,
but you'd much rather watch some meaningless thing...

So what will it take
to break our hearts?
Disillusioned by wealth
we're numb to the pain
Who will see the children?
Who will fight to help?
What will it take to change society's aim?

Will you see the children?
Will you fight to help?
Will you be a voice for their pain?

Inspired...

2006-05-16T13:19:00.000-05:00

Wow, it's been a while. Going on over a month since the last post! I guess it was just hard to follow that with anything, especially since there hasn't been much happening other than "busyness"-- school ending, finals, etc. Thank God it's officially summer!

I'm looking forward to some down time this summer-- nothing huge like Miss AL hanging over my head this time, so I can just chill. Work a little, sing a little, get things done I want to do, visit friends... maybe it sounds dull, but for me it's a blessing!

Other than that, as far as an update goes, I've just been around a lot of great people lately. Lots of talented people in my life, lots of musical people in my life--- having music as such a big part of my life again has felt so right! Oh how God knows the desires of our hearts! Being around all these people has been inspiring, to say the least. Not yet sure what God is doing in me, and though I'm afraid to admit it, maybe there is some sort of music in my future? To tell you the truth it's frightening to even type that. All the same though, it seems there are more lyrics inside than I'd realized. Maybe someday I'll find someone I trust enough to write with who can add the music... for now though, I'll let you read my words....

Savannah

You look so frail lying there
helpless to speak or move
A single tear rolls down your face
your rosebud lips are so confused
And I can't help but hear over and over in my head
"A princess belongs in a castle, not in a hospital bed."

So just hold on to those around you
who love you more than life,
Rest in their arms and let your fears subside
'Cause there are unseen angels guarding you
in darkness and in light
So close your eyes sweet child
and sleep in peace tonight.

I can see your frustration
at all the sickness took from you
at all you once could do that's gone.
And I hope you feel my touch
and though I know it's not too much,
all that I can give you is my song...

Sweet child I know you're tired of the fight,
So I'll sing you to sleep tonight...

So just hold on to those around you
who love you more than life
Rest in their arms and let your fears subside
'Cause there are unseen angels guarding you
in darkness and in light
So close your eyes sweet child
and sleep in peace tonight.

I can tell you're hurting
I can see your pain and fear
each time I look into your big brown eyes
But it seems there's something else there-
determination you can't hide
and a childlike faith that just won't be denied.
So keep believing-
Knowing that there's One who'll always Be
Comfort, Hope, and Strength for every inability.

So hold on to those around you
who love you more than life
Rest in their arms and let your fears subside
'Cause there are unseen angels guarding you
in darkness and in light
So close your eyes sweet child
and sleep in peace tonight...

Close your eyes precious little girl,
and sleep in peace tonight.

*inspired by Savannah Dewhurst and her wonderful family
www.caringbridge.org/visit/savannahdewhurst

I want to be His hands...

2006-03-28T14:05:00.000-06:00

So much has happened lately for me. The Wesley Band has started practicing and we are slowly learning to play with each other- I'm loving getting to know them. I got a chance to spend an AMAZING weekend in Macon meeting the band I'll be playing with for a week of youth camp this summer- it was so good. Obviously the Lord was in it- after about 5 minutes together I felt like I was with old friends. We had a blast making music together and hanging out. I also got to spend time with Zach's parents and sister- such a sweet family!

That weekend was a great time of rest for me- obviously God knew I needed it before chaos hit. 2 AWFUL tests, my computer crashing (which explains why I haven't posted much lately) and then my little brother having to have surgery suddenly (check out the link to "my baby bro" for more info)- life has been crazy the last week.

The surgery is actually what inspired this post- or rather led to the inspiration for this post. I spent most of this weekend at Children's Hospital in Birmingham. I thought I was going to spend time with Jaron before and after surgery, and time with my family. Little did I know God had so much more in mind.

It all started when Jaron went down to surgery. As we waved goodbye (fighting back tears) and walked into the waiting room, we were met with familiar, though distraught, faces. A 7 year old little girl from our hometown was in surgery also- she had been suffering from headaches when they found she had a tumor the size of a baseball in her brain. They scheduled surgery immediately. Looking at that family I was overwhelmed with the desire to comfort them... I just wanted to go hug every one of them until the pain went away. For years now I've felt that God is preparing me to be the wife of a minister of some type-- I thought that desire to comfort them was just more confirmation of that. Though it may be, I had no idea then that it was also the beginning of all God would do in my heart this weekend.

That night I ventured out of Jaron's room to visit my friend Melanie's little sister Savannah (www.caringbridge.org/visit/savannahdewhurst). We'd realized a week earlier that she and Jaron were on the same floor, so I thought I would drop by to meet her. She was almost asleep so I came back Saturday to spend some time with her and her parents. For the most part Savannah was playful, but as time passed she began to get frustrated. You see, Savannah was a lively 4 year old until she caught encephalitis and spinal meningitis- which left her unable to control her speech or movements. I can't imagine how frustrating that would be-- to know what you wanted to say or do, but not be able to communicate it or do it yourself! As she began to cry my heart broke. All I could think to do to comfort her was to sing, and so, I did. It worked... so all 3 times she got frusrated during our visit, I sang over her. I can't explain the peace in my heart as I watched her little body relax, her tears stop, and her eyes flutter closed in rest. I fought back tears of gratitude to God for giving me back my voice-- I have never been so thankful!

As I walked back to Jaron's room to say goodnight, my heart was bursting. I wanted to hug every child I saw in the hall, and every worried, broken Mom and Dad. I wanted to pray over them, to speak truth to them, to comfort them, to encourage them. I wanted to be His hands to reach out to them, His arms to hug them, His shoulder for them to cry on. I wanted to love them.

I began to think about all the time I have spent the past 8 years working to promote Teen Alcohol Abuse Prevention- especially the past 4 years while it has been my platform (for the Miss Alabama Pageant) and I began to wonder- what if I spent all that time in hospitals instead? At first I dismissed it, thinking I would be a 'sell-out' if I changed. After all, I still feel so strongly about preventing alcohol abuse and I know it needs attention. However, I also realize that no big changes are going to be made without years of lobbying for government support. I have always said that all my work with my platform would be worth it, if I just impacted one teen. I still feel that way, but I had to ask myself- where would I be the most effective? where could I impact people the most? And most importantly- where does God want to use me?

That last question is where things began really taking shape. I know that God could use me in huge ways ministering to hospitalized children in their families! Oh the opportunities to speak truth to hurting hearts!!! That's when it all began to come into focus... He has been preparing me for this for SO long!

At 16 I visited my friends Sarah and Christine as they recovered from brain surgery and broken vertebrae from a horrific wreck. A few weeks later I watched my friend Lyndsey lose the battle with lukemia. At 17 I sat by my Grandmother's bed for 6 weeks as she died from heart disease. Later that week I held my dear friend Challas' hand as his mother died from brain cancer. That 10 month period was one of the darkest of my life... but through it I learned how to deal with death.

For half my life I have struggled with a heart condition, severe allergies, acid reflux disease, recurring bronchitis, asthma, and serious vocal problems including vocal nodules and a vocal cyst. The past few years have been full of doctor's appointments, visits to specialists, blood tests, breathing tests, EKG's, and a handful of medicine every day. By no means was it lukemia, and it definitely could have been worse... but through it I learned what it feels like to be sick.

For the past year my little brother has struggled with a chronic disease, Ulcerative Colitis. We have lost count of the times he has been in the hospital (we think around 8). I know how exhausting it is to try and keep friends and family updated. I have spent several days and nights at the hospital to give my parents a break. I know what it feels like to worry. I know how uncomfortable it is to sleep in a hospital chair. I know what hospital cafeteria food tastes like. I know what it's like to be in the hospital for so long that you know the nurses by name. I know what it's like to hear a child scream in pain next door for hours. I know what it's like to see someone you love attached to tubes and wires and machines. I know what it's like to be scared. I know what it's like to wish it was you in the bed hurting instead... because that child has just had more than they can bear. It has been miserable at times... but through this I have learned how it feels to be helpless when an innocent child is sick.

These experiences have not been fun... but they have been neccesary. I've often wondered why God allowed me to hurt so much, to go through so much. I've also wondered why I am almost always annoyingly happy (full of sunshine and lollipops as the anonymous blogger pointed out). There was a reason- those things were no mistake. It was also no mistake that the gift God blessed me with was that of encouragement. All this time God was preparing me to be a light to these families and sick children. He is so purposeful, right down to the last detail!

I can't tell you how excited I am to begin developing a new program to reach out to these hurting families. Please pray for me as I make decisions about how to structure this program to make it most effective, and how to fund it. I am overflowing with ideas (from God, no doubt!) and though I know it's going to be a lot of work, I am THRILLED!

God is SO good! I can't wait to see what He is about to do! Thank you Father for all the ways you have been preparing me to fulfill this vision!

"All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, He brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us."
2 Corinthians 1: 3-4 (The Message)

Thoughts on discouraging anonymous comments on my blog, and my friends blogs...

2006-03-12T16:00:00.000-06:00

"Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For,
"Whoever would love life
and see good days
must keep his tongue from evil
and his lips from deceitful speech.
He must turn from evil and do good;
he must seek peace and pursue it.
For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their prayer,
but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil."

Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. "Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened." But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander."

1 Peter 3: 8-16

If you haven't noticed, I've been getting some pretty hurtful (anonymous) comments on my blog lately. At first I thought it was just a personal attack, but then I found out whoever is doing it is also commenting on some of my friends blogs as well.

I was talking with Rebekah Wilkey about it on Saturday and she really had some great truth to pass along to me, and I'm pretty thankful for that! Our conversation has helped me to go from feeling hurt, to really being burdened for whoever it is writing these things-- specifically because (as she pointed out) anyone who hates joy and anyone who hates hearing the testimony of what God is doing in the lives of Christians obviously isn't saved. That breaks my heart- it truly does- that someone has to live with bitterness in their heart. And so, whoever you are, I want you to know that I am praying for you. I am praying that you would realize how much God loves you, and how much He desires to have a personal relationship with you! He longs to heal your heart and to fill you with abundant joy! He loves you so much that He would give His only Son for you (John 3:16), and whether you realize it or not, He is pursuing you!

I pray today that you would open up your heart to the love that God longs to give you!

Letting go... and letting Him bless me!

2006-03-06T00:15:00.000-06:00

After 18 years of competing in pageants, 4 years of pursuing my dream to become Miss America, and 2 years of competing in the Miss Alabama Pageant, I had to let go. Now I'm not saying I'm letting go forever... dreams die hard (though if giving up this dream is God's will for me it's what I will do) but this year at least, I will not be "Miss" anything, nor will I be competing at the Miss Alabama pageant.

I must admit it's been hard to let that sink in-- after competing in several preliminaries and getting 1st alternate time after time I had to come to terms with it- Miss Alabama is obviously not where God wants me this year! That's a difficult realization because I do love it so much; I love the girls I compete with, I love the ministry opportunities I have because of it, I love the amazing opportunities to meet incredible people and do incredible things I have because of it, I love the scholarship money and gifts I get because of it, and let's face it- I love getting all dressed up and wearing a crown of course! It's difficult too because it is such a huge part of my life. I'm not realizing until now just how much time I spend making appearances, doing community service, developing my platform, preparing for competition (and the list goes on and on and on). When something that takes up that much of your time is removed from your life, it's hard not to walk around feeling like a part of you is missing! Of course there were tears and questions... but luckily I realized that I had an option: I could give in to mourning and let Satan steal my joy, or I could fight for it!

And so- I fought. I listened to my dear friends who reminded me "God has something bigger in store for you!" and I believed them. I fought so hard to rest in that truth. I clung to the words of Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."

Guess what-- that is TRUTH!

Day by day, hour by hour, He has been allowing that truth to sink into my heart. He has shown me through emails and phone calls how He has already used me as a light for Him in the pageant world, and how He can still use me (even if I'm not competing this year!) He has shown me that I am more than a crown, or a "Miss Something", and that I do not need those things to verify my identity, because my identity is in Him. He has shown me that these passions, pursuits, interests, involvements, and accomplishments are just stuff. They are not life- He is life! And finally, He has shown me what a blessing my new found freedom is. Such as, the freedom to not having something I have to be "preparing for" (ie- The Miss Alabama Pageant) and the freedom to not have such a hectic schedule!

These new found freedoms have led me to a new chapter in my life as well, the one called MUSIC. Now some could say this is just a revival of an old chapter, because growing up music was such a huge part of my life- but it's been pushed aside for most of my college life. I've been missing singing for quite some time, but struggling to have confidence in my voice after all my vocal problems. My new found free time gave me the opportunity to invite music back into my life- and I can't begin to express how incredible it has felt! God has been so affirming through people who have spoken truth over my vocal abilities and who have encouraged me to sing; their words have been overwhelming and such confirmation from Him! Bit by bit I am able to silence the lies of the enemy and allow myself to embrace the gift of song He has so graciously blessed me with!

It's exciting- to say the least!

And so, only a week after I gave up the title of Miss Auburn Opelika Area, I was blessed to become a member of two bands. The first is a band who will be leading worship for the Wesley Foundation, the second is a band who will be leading worship for a youth camp June 18-24 in Covington, GA. It's hard to express how truly blessed I feel, and how thrilled I am for the opportunity to use my voice to glorify Him!

"I will sing to the Lord, for He has been good to me."
Psalm 13:6

"You turned my wailing into dancing;
You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever."
Psalm 30:11-12

"I will sing of the Lord's great love forever;
with my mouth I will make Your faithfulness known through all generations."
Psalm 89:1

I can't wait to find out all He has in store for this chapter of my life... I just love to see how He surprises me! You see, all the time I was mourning, He had something specific waiting for me-- I just had to let go of my will, fight for my joy, and step out in faith. Sometimes we hold so tightly to something in our lives, when all He wants us to do is let go and let Him bless us! Our Father longs to bless us, His children, but sometimes we have to let go of our will to receive. After all, He can't place something new into our hands, if they are holding fast to something else. We have to learn let go, because what He has is always better!

It's okay to be funky...

2006-02-21T17:19:00.000-06:00

*So many thoughts I feel compelled to share this week- but 4 papers, 2 midterms, and 1 audition mean I have very little time... so I'll try to blog a little here and there to get it all out there.

The topic at hand right now- feeling funky. You know what I mean-- when you just get in that "funk" and you feel so "blah"... and you can't figure out ways to escape it. There have been a couple of specific ways within that category myself and my friends have been feeling here lately- and thankfully Father has been revealing some things to me about them that I felt I had to share... lots of "be to do not do to be" becomes truth in these thoughts:

Funk 1- Overwhelmed by "stuff"
This has been the biggest one for me lately- just being so overwhelmed by all the things I have to do right now. I know I tend to overcommit myself, but I don't feel like that's what I've done lately, I just have responsibilities and circumstances I can't really escape that seem to be taking over.

Having all that in my life puts me in my most uncomfortable place: having to be taken care of. Since encouragement is my spiritual gift- I hate having to be taken care of! My place of comfort is having the time to pour myself into people, encourage them, love on them, etc etc etc. I am not comfortable when this has to be me... when I'm helpless and I have to rely on my friends. I feel like a burden, and like a bad friend. I know that over the past couple of months my friends have been SUCH tangible expressions of God's love for me- stepping in and helping me to carry my burdens when they were too much to bear. For that I am so grateful-- but it all hasn't ended yet and they just keep helping, keep loving, keep pouring into me... even though I haven't done anything for them in return (I haven't even had time to sit down and write them all thank you notes!)

Revelation from this:
God has been revealing that my friends don't love me b/c I do sweet things for them, because I'm happy all the time, because I write them thank you notes. They won't love me any less because for this season in my life I have to be vulnerable and needy. The BEAUTY in that is, it's the same with God! He doesn't love me because I can do things for Him, He doesn't love me only when I'm happy, He doesn't love me only when I thank Him for all He has blessed me with--- He loves me helpless, brokenhearted, and even when I take Him for granted!

Funk 2- Spiritual "Blah"
I've had a few tastes of this lately and plenty in the past- and I know I have several sweet friends going through this so I thought I'd post about it. This is the season where you just feel "blah" spiritually. No amazing revelations, no tangible experiences, no goosebumps from the Holy Spirit, and not much overflow. It's not a fun place to be.

Revelation about this:
We were not made for the mountaintop-- for a lifetime of earth-shattering revelations; for everyday filled with emotionally charged God-time; to walk around with goosebumps so filled with the Holy Spirit it's beyond expression-- no. Those times are incredible and they are life-changing- but they are not life. Life is not about living a mountaintop experience- it's about what you do with that experience when you come down and face the valleys. It's about the everyday drudge. It's about our relationships with one another. It's about His plan for us in all that-- even when we don't "feel" Him tangibly or "hear" Him audibly. He is more than emotion. It's okay if we can't feel Him or hear Him or see Him- it's those times when we learn what faith is: trusting He is there when everything else says He isn't. Knowing there is wind even when you cannot feel it touch your face; cannot hear it sing through the wind-chimes; cannot see it blow through the trees.

Trust me, these are not fun places to be- But they are where God calls us to be sometimes.
I keep seeing a mental picture of what it looks like to try to put a toddler in a high-chair at dinner-time when he doesn't want to go. I see him screaming and crying, kicking his legs and flailing about- doing everything in his power NOT to be put in that high chair. He doesn't want to sit in the high chair... it isn't fun. He would much rather be playing on the floor!

In truth though, his Father knows He has to put him in the high chair. The child must be fed, and the child must be kept safe-- for these two reasons the high chair is the place the child must be. Though the child doesn't see it and can't possibly understand it, the Father knows the high chair is best.

I'm working on being content in my high chair for now... trusting that Father's hands will lift me out when He knows it's best.

To the happy couple...

2006-02-14T00:57:00.000-06:00

That's right, David finally found his match! The left sock to go with the right... the peanut-butter to his jelly... the ice cream for his cake... okay, okay- the analogies are getting a little bit cheesy- even for me. I blame my computer- it's been on the fritz lately and won't let me save any new pictures on it. See I was going to put this black and white picture of this cute little boy proposing to this cute little girl (c'mon it's Valentine's Day! It was adorable! And so fitting!) but since my computer wouldn't let me save it I had to use something I (oddly enough) already had. What did I find? A picture of heart socks. Clearly the matching analogies were bound to get out of hand....

Really though- I couldn't be happier for David and Rebekah, and in leiu of my Valentine's Day singleness, this post is to them! ;)

David-
You are my oldest, dearest college friend, and oh boy have we been through it all! I am so grateful for the memories we've made, for all you've taught me, and for all the times you've been there for me- after all this time you truly are like a brother. What a blessing it is to me to have seen your patience over the last four years as you waited for His timing... I'm so glad you've found the one He's been preparing for you!
Rebekah-
I'm so thankful I'm friends with David, otherwise I might have never become friends with you! You have such a heart for the Lord and I know He is preparing you to be a godly wife. It has been so incredible watching David wait for you before he ever even knew you, and watching the Lord faithfully bringing the two of you together!
To you both-
You are blessings in my life and I know your marriage is going to be one that glorifies God in amazing ways. I can't wait to see all He will do through you as husband and wife! I love ya'll! CONGRATULATIONS!

Simplicity

2006-02-06T23:14:00.000-06:00

Walking across campus today, I saw these two adorable Asian toddlers playing in the gravel. It was the sweetest sight- them picking up double handfuls of rocks just to drop them onto the cement beside them, with the most delighted smiles on their faces! I found myself smiling just because they were-- the sheer happiness expressed on their tiny little faces was just too contagious. It made me wish for delight in such simplicity-- and then I realized that so often God offers us that, but instead we seek a million other difficult things in which to find satisfaction. For a moment I had it there, looking at those two sweet children, and realizing the smile spreading across my face was just a gift from Him. Father- I LOVE to see all the ways you make me smile! Please don't let me overlook it when you pursue me in simplicity!

Mmmm Mmmm good!

2006-02-05T23:16:00.000-06:00

That's the feeling I get when I leave the wonderful community within Grace Campus Ministries. Fellowship is so rich there, especially at our leadership meetings, and it is SO encouraging to share what Father is doing and see excitement and sincere interest! There's no way I can be with them and not leave with a smile on my face!

I am so excited about this Tuesday night-- it is the first night of our small group this semester. I'm leading a group at the Peak House with two incredible girls: Cassie Gorman and Sally Ware. I am so blessed to be leading with these girls! They have such a heart for Father and He just shines through them in an amazing way! I am always so refreshed by their spirit and contagious enthusiasm... I can't wait to see what God has in store for us this semester!

Overflow...

2006-02-04T02:28:00.000-06:00

I've been contemplating this concept of overflow all week. Of course this wasn't a new concept... I'd heard it and used it many times before. It wasn't that I didn't know what it was, or that I'd never experienced it before... there was just something new about it; it was in such abundance that it was almost overwhelming!

I spent most of the week frustrated, because my schedule was so consumed with stuff (ahh... that terrible word... "responsibility") that I couldn't avoid and couldn't put off. I longed for Oregon (*this picture is from a 6 mile hike there) and the freedom to "go and do" that I had (b/c I didn't have day-to-day responsibilities consuming me there). My purpose was the same as the water pouring forth in this picture-- the Love from Father was surging through me-- but "stuff" was blocking the path through which it needed to flow. I walked around feeling as if I would just burst at any moment! I was already overflowing but He wasn't stopping... He just kept filling me up until I wanted to scream "BUT LORD!!! YOU'VE GOT TO GIVE ME SOMEWHERE TO PUT ALL THIS!!!"

After a long week of meetings, studying, and very little sleep- He finally did.

A couple of weeks ago I'd walked by the table in the food court in Foy. You may have seen it... it's always packed out with a very interesting group of people... some in all black, some with green hair, many with piercings and tattoos. They're the group most people are probably afraid of... the group people see as outcasts... the group people overlook... the group people try to ignore.

My first thought was- "Wow, they remind me of my friends in Oregon!" I didn't know it wouldn't stop at that. Pretty soon God had turned that little thought into a burning desire to know them, to befriend them, to love them, and to fight for their hearts. Each day I walked past I was compelled to go to them, and each day I lacked the time. And so, I prayed for an opportunity and I asked my wonderful co-leaders (Sally and Cassie) and Matt Dean to do the same.

Friday was the day. I'd had very little sleep and all I wanted to do was go home and take a nap! Instead, God said "This is it... this is the day. Go." So I did.

"Hey... umm... do you guys mind if I sit with you? I really hate eating alone." That's what I said when I walked up. That was it. Funny... but that was all they needed. You would think they would turn me away-- after all, they have a right to, I'm very different from them. You would think they would judge me-- after all, society constantly judges them. Lucky for me, they didn't. We talked, we laughed, I met around 10 or 15 of them... and in 2 and 1/2 hours God had opened the door for me to share my testimony, talk about their hate for the "church", talk about a personal relationship with Jesus vs. religion, hear their family backgrounds, and find out specific ways I could pray for them! I was in AWE-- the whole 2 and 1/2 hours was so surreal, the whole time full of me asking incredulously "is this REALLY happening?!"

It was... and it is. With one moment of willingness God opened the door to so many new friends... and I already love them. I really and truly do! They need His healing- I can see it in their eyes. His heart is for them and I am SO thankful that He would use me to be tangible love to them, and that He would send me to Oregon to learn how to love them! Who knew a mission trip across the country would be preparing my heart for people right here on Auburn's campus?! Who knew a week of frustration about where my overflow needed to go would culminate in this?!

Oh wait... that's right... God knew. Nothing surprises Him, huh?

All week I franticly looked for empty little cups to fill with my overflow, and all week He was forcing me to wait... leading me all the while onto sun-scorched land.

The beginning...

2006-01-30T14:38:00.000-06:00

Well, I said I wouldn't do it... and here I am. I've fought the idea of a blog for a long time, because I know that I never seem to have any time and I knew it would just take up more of it. My first thought was that I never have enough time to journal like I want to. Plus, we all know I'm addicted to email and facebook-- CLEARLY I didn't need anything else to take up my time! At least that's what I thought... but then I started thinking about the posts on some of my friends' blogs that have blessed me SO much! I've been amazed at the things the Lord has revealed to me through some of these posts, and how at times He has truly touched my heart with something someone shared (when I've gotten a chance to read them that is) and all of a sudden I'm just feeling inspired. I'm sure I won't have anything brilliant to say (at least not of my own) but it feels like I'm entering a time of revelation from Him- who am I to write it down in a journal that no one may ever read? Who am I to say He couldn't use something I've written in the life of another? After all- He is the source of my life, my thoughts... the reason I am able to think and write. Who am I to say this isn't how He wants to use this season of my life?

And so... here I am. My prayer is that you'll be blessed in some way by the posts that follow!